How to Get Comfortable with Female Sexuality

One of the more challenging mental hurdles for the active dater can be overcoming his feelings about female sexuality. This is most true for men who’ve grown up bombarded with messages about female purity, chastity, and the like.

Even in our present society, with ‘slut walks’, Femen, rape culture, and Sex and the City, men still grow up confused with female sexuality. On the one hand, men are told women have the right to sexual liberation without judgment from men. On the other hand, if a man talks to any individual woman and broaches the subject of sexuality, she’ll often react with disgust and offense and tell him no, of course she doesn’t do that or isn’t into this.
This leads lots of men to an, ”Oh, that’s just TV,” mentality, where women behave sexually liberal on TV and in the movies, yet sexually chaste in real life.

Some part of most guys knows that there’s some kind of deception going on here; either the TV is lying and women are all chaste angels, or women themselves are lying and they’re not (and he just isn’t in on the action).
Yet a guy can go his whole life without ever pulling the tarp back on this sexual misdirection... Until he starts to succeed more with girls.
And then, everything changes.

A Dawning Realization

About four years into my journey with seduction, I reached a kind of transition point: girls had become open with me about their sexualities in ways they hadn’t been previously
about their sexual adventures, and ask me for all kinds of kinky sex. Even girls who would’ve otherwise presented to me as conservative in the past let slip their dalliances and fantasies.
And I reached a point where I had kind of a moment of doubt. Where I looked around and said, ”I now know what female sexuality really is. I know the borders and the limitations of it. And I realize that even the ‘good girls’ are a whole lot naughtier than I used to think.”
The part of me that liked to sleep with new girls enjoyed this, of course. But the part of me that wanted meaningful relationships with women that didn’t involve sharing them with gaggles of other men wondered if that was really even possible.
Female sexuality, it seemed, was just bursting at the seams and impossible to be contained. And I didn’t want to or have the patience to be someone who spent his time trying to contain it, in any event
I had traded in the romantic fictions of youth for the cold realities of sex. Women, I’d learned, were every bit as pragmatic, hedonistic, and unempathetic as men – and less romantic, too. For all the posturing they did to present themselves as delicate flowers, they as much a bunch of horny apes as men are.
I’ve since watched dozens of men go through this same transition. Years of casual sex creeps up on them, only for them to one day realize they’ve shaken their faith in women’s ability to have meaningful relationships. Call it a crisis of faith in womankind’s suitability for long-term relationships

What IS Female Sexuality, Anyway?

Here are a few key points about female sexuality you must understand, though:

• Just as you are turned on by sight, she is turned on by the mind. Women are aroused by concepts, suggestions, and ideas. They’re also aroused by the absence of ideas – if you lead her to conclude things without telling her outright, for instance. Or if she sits there and wonders, and concocts fantasies in her mind.
  
• Women’s sexuality is far more fluid than men’s. Men tend to be much more rigid in their sexualities. Both in what sexes turn them on (straight men tend to just be turned on by women, and not men; gay men tend to just be turned on by men, and not women; women tend to be turned on by everything), and in what members of the opposite sex turn them on. This is another major hurdle for men who are starting out; they tend to project their own pickiness onto women, when many women are not nearly as picky as they are, or at least not in the same ways (e.g., you may only want beauty queens... And then may be shocked when you see how ugly some of some beautiful girl’s prior lovers have been).
  
• Women are curious. Probably more so than men. Most of the men I know are content just to get off – whether that’s in a girl’s mouth, vagina, or butt, they mostly just like screwing for a little bit and then ejaculating. Women want to try all kinds of things. This is especially true once they’ve gone through a sexual awakening, but it’s true even before it, too. If we get both sexes to be completely honest, I feel quite confident you’d get a lot more men who’d tell you, ”I’m not interested in having an orgy with 10 different females. I just want one girl I like a lot,” than you’d get women who’d tell you, ”I’m not interested in having a gangbang with 10 different males. I just want one man I like a lot.” Girls are just more... experimental... than men are.
  
• The average man is more of a prude than the average woman. If you have any doubt about this, just ask yourself, ”Which sex PRESENTS itself as the more prudish sex?” The more someone rails on about the importance of a given moral position, the less that individual tends to hold that position herself. Some of the most sexually kinky, wild girls I’ve known have been ones who talked non-stop about how slutty other girls were and how much they ”weren’t like that.” In general, in my experience, the average man is a bigger real prude than the average woman – even though the average woman parades herself as the bigger prude, tut-tutting men for their crass ribaldry
  
  
  
  
  The cause of that dissonance is this: you want a certain thing from a woman (often, a romantic, faithful relationship), yet begin to realize that... Well, crap. Maybe this isn’t achievable after all.
  The cynical men of the Manosphere (not all men in the Manosphere are cynical, of course; we’re just talking about the vocal, visible segment that is) often are going through this transition right now. They’ve started to wake up to the reality of women’s sexuality, and realized it isn’t a Disney tale.
  And now they’re wondering if their primary goals with women – that ‘happily ever after’ the fairy tales all promised – is even achievable. They’re thinking it might not be.
  There’re a few more key points about female sexuality these men have yet to realize, though. Those are these:
  
  • Women are as complacent as men are. You’d probably like to have an orgy where you shag four girls, right? Well, have you ever had one? No? Why not? Too much work to put that together? Or how about this: I bet you’re curious to have sex with a girl in public. Ever done it? I can tell you from experience, many of the girls you have sex with in public won’t have ever done it before either, even if they’ve always wanted to. Why didn’t they? No guy ever asked them to, or put the situation together for them to... And they were either too timid to ask for it themselves, or too apathetic about it. Or maybe they asked a boyfriend to try it and the guy said, ”Yeah, we can do that someday,” and then they just never did, and she didn’t push it. Because, while she might be curious about it, it isn’t some life-or-death thing.
    
  • Sex isn’t the only or even a primary thing to her. The other thing men do when they wake up to female sexuality is they over-imagine women as these super sexual beings continually on the hunt for fresh cock. ”Dear Lord," a guy says, "I had no idea how much women liked penis. They must be on the hunt for it ALL the TIME!!!" Of course, like we just talked about in the complacency point, this is hogwash. But more than this, sex just isn’t that primary of a thing to most girls. They’re curious, they like it, it’s fun, and they want to experiment, but they aren’t constantly seeking out fresh men to try or new ways to sexperiment. The exception to this is the girl who is open-minded to sex and has a sky-high sex drive, but be careful she doesn’t color your thoughts on women. In general, whether you’re a seducer or just a regular guy, you’ll interact with more of these girls than their share of the population (since high drive, sexually open-minded women are a lot more open to sex than the average woman is, and as such they’ll make up a high proportion of your sex partners, a higher proportion of girls at bars and parties, and a higher proportion of girls who receive you well in cold approach than they are a portion of the population)... Be careful about drawing conclusions about all of womankind based on your interactions with the outliers.
    
    

    How to Get Comfortable with Female Sexuality

    There are two (2) ingredients to this, and to get comfortable with women and sex, you need both. These ingredients are:
    
  • Experience: you need enough reference points with women, and you need a diverse set of reference points, and
    
  • Mindsets: you need to go out of your way to cultivate empathy for women, to understand who they are and how they operate, and really ‘get’ what it is they’re after and what they need.
    
    
  First off, experience.
  It’s impossible to have any kind of realistic understanding of women if your actual experiences with them are limited. Men who’ve had limited to no experiences with women tend to fall into one of a few camps:
  
• Women are all chaste angels who don’t like sex (idealization)
• Women are just people (balanced thinker)
• Women are all craven nymphomaniac succubi (devaluation)
  

Two of those are cases of black and white thinking, which tends to be a hallmark of inexperience (though can also be present among more experienced men with certain personality disorders). If you have a concept of women that either idealizes or devalues them, you’ll have the roughest transition to a balanced view of female sexuality.
(if you want to read more about idealization/devaluation of women, you can do that here: "Women on Pedestals" [idealization] and “Women are Evil” [devaluation])

The inexperienced man with a balanced viewpoint has the straightest, least jarring path to comfort with female sexuality; however, his viewpoint will be challenged by his experiences anyway. If he finds himself living in a religious region with a lot of women who very carefully guard their sexualities, he may feel tempted to switch to an "all girls are angels" mentality (idealization); if he’s around a lot of hooking up and cheating, he may be tempted to switch to an "all girls are craven nymphomaniacs" mentality (devaluation).
The inexperienced man with strong viewpoints is far more interesting. How did he get such strong viewpoints if his experience is so limited? Simple: he inherited from someone or something else. Could be a parent; could be a group of friends with strong opinions. Could be a TV show he watched or a book he read. Or women themselves gave him (via talking / framing) the views he holds. Regardless, he’s got ‘em, and he knows ‘em to be true, experience be damned.

(this works the same way as knowing you’ll hate a food before you’ve ever tried it – like for instance, "Ew, eat snake? Snake meat must be thin and horrible" – or knowing you don’t like some sport or activity without any experience – "Skiing is for sissies and snowboarding is for stupid dudebros. I bet it totally sucks. You’ll never catch me on the slopes." Or the opposite, idealizing something before you try it – "I bet skiing is the most remarkable experience in the world!" Either way, things usually end up being not nearly as bad or not nearly as good as you’d imagined when you finally try them)
If you’re unaware that your mindsets are based on inexperience, and that mindsets based on inexperience are almost always wrong, mindsets like these can get in the way of progress:

• "I don’t want to waste time learning game, because girls are all chaste angels and it won’t work on the ones I like, anyway."
  
• "I don’t want to waste time learning game, because girls are all dirty sluts and there’s nothing I want to do with any of them, anyway."
  

So, there’s a mindset portion to the experience portion: it’s important to realize when your thoughts on women are based on either:

1. Lack of experience outright: you just haven’t been with that many women yet, or
   
2. Clustered, non-representative experience: all the women you’ve been with have been from one or two specific types (e.g., you keep sleeping with bored housewives)
   
   

If you can realize this, it can help take the edge off a more extreme unrealistic viewpoint on women, or help prevent you from drifting into one if you start out balanced-yet-inexperienced.
Now, when it comes to experience with women, you want a diverse set of experience with women, because you want to aim to show yourself all sides of women:

• You want to be with the girl who’s a total raging nymphomaniac
• You want to be with the girl who’s a sweet, loyal, faithful good girl
• And you want to be with a variety of kinds of girls in-between
  

You want to do this because your aim needs to be to humanize these girls (so you can learn to empathize with all types of women), and you want to do it to give yourself a broad set of reference points to form your mental model of women by.
The second aspect of this is mindsets.
From the mindsets department, you need to be aware of any too-idealistic or too-paranoid views you have, and work to correct them. Women aren’t angels, and they aren’t succubi. They’re just regular people. Among the female population, there are a range of different women with different dispositions, likes, and inclinations.
Mindsets are easier to change when you have a diverse set of experiences, because these serve to invalidate your more extreme mindsets. It’s very hard to think all women are angels when you’ve had girls desperate to sleep with you while their husbands watched the kids at home. Yet it’s also very hard to think all women are succubi when you’ve had sweet, virginal girls who worked hard to please you and serve you yet weren’t sexually experienced and were a little iffy about the idea of sex in the first place.
Ultimately, mindsets come down to a personal decision to not live at the extremes and to work to actively overcome confirmation bias. e.g., if you hook up all the time with nightclub party girls, you’re going to have a certain extreme set of experiences that are not representative of the female population on the whole. You will either have to realize that these extreme experiences are warping your idea about women in general, or decide to ignore the effect extreme experiences have on your feelings about anything, and say, "No. My extreme experiences are representative of the whole. I don’t need any other experiences."
If you choose the latter path (confirmation bias), nothing and no one can disabuse you of that. You might need a decade of contradictory experiences to begin to change your mind.
However, if you’re aware of the impact of extreme experiences on warping your perceptions one way or the other, you can begin to counter them, and get healthy, balanced views of how things actually are outside the bubble of your experiences so far.
source - girlschase.com

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